On December 28, 2012 I had a J tube (A jejunostomy feeding tube (J-tube) is a tube surgically inserted through the abdomen and into the jejunum (the second part of the small intestine.) The reason for placement was entirely pancreatic. I was experiencing chronic pancreatitis (amylase and lipase #’s running chronically 50-100 pts above normal.) I was also experiencing acute pancreatic events. My creon had been adjusted many times, but to no avail.
I was in the hospital only 4 days and came home, and now I am adjusting to the new normal. I have learned how NOT mindful I am. I spend my days sort of flailing around from one activity to the next and for someone who needs to be ultra aware (at least for the next 4 months more specifically) it is trying (and painful.) I walk away totally forgetting I’m hooked up to the pump. It’s been pretty eye opening. I’ve been aware for years and years at my lack of awareness and now I’ve been forced to turn that around.
I am also struggling. In my mind, a J tube means I’m sick, when I need to spin it more positively… I’m healthier by so many degrees than I was before. I have nutrition and a clear mind. I’ve had many anxiety attacks around what all of this means and where we go, but I am working on putting that behind me and just being with where I am. I’m just scared.
The other aspect of all of this that is difficult is the effect hat it has on my family. The puppies can’t really sit on my lap for 4 weeks and they don’t understand why and it kills me. Nitza has to help me a great deal more due to the pain and I am stubbornly independent. Ale is seven and has been through so many health issues and hospitalizations, he’s just sad because he wants to give me a regular hug… NOW, not in 4 weeks.
I pray for patience and guidance through this difficult time.